Baby & Toddler

Our caregiver tells our son 'the crow will take you' when he won't eat

juniper_puzzle_7539

Our caregiver is kind and patient with our son in most things. He is 18 months old, and lately every meal is a negotiation. Yesterday I heard her tell him that the crow on the balcony would take him away if he didn't finish, and he ate everything in about three minutes. My partner grew up with the same threat and thinks I'm overreacting. I don't want him frightened of crows, or of anything else we use to get him to cooperate. How did you bring this up with your caregiver or your family without it sounding like a criticism of how they were raised?

5 comments

  • ivory_pebble_1060

    Every grandmother in my family had some version of this. Mine had a 'goggayya' who lived in the water tank 🤷 Both my kids turned out fine, but my son still won't go near our terrace tank.

  • mellow_rain_9072

    In our house it was a 'kokkachi' who came for children who didn't eat. I don't remember being frightened, but I do remember believing in it for an embarrassingly long time. When our daughter was little we asked our helper to stop, and it took several reminders before it stuck. What made the difference was giving her something else to say, not only telling her what not to say.

  • umber_wave_4207

    Same at our end with my mother-in-law, except hers is 'baba aa jayega'. I've asked her twice. She stops for a day and then it's back. Watching this thread.

  • fig_lantern_8987

    Give her a replacement line. 'Let's see who finishes first, you or the crow' keeps the crow and drops the fear.

    • peach_veranda_2917

      or the crow gets a spoon as well. ours 'fed' an imaginary crow every other bite for most of a year. slow, but nobody cried

    • silver_drum_3283

      Replying to @peach_veranda_2917

      writing this down for later. ours has only just started solids and at the moment the spoon itself is the threat

  • pebble_notebook_5644

    One practical point: these threats tend to stop working after a few weeks, and then they escalate. That is what we saw with our younger daughter, at least; I can't say it's universal. I would raise it with the caregiver from that angle, that it won't keep working, rather than that it's wrong.

    • fern_piano_3814

      Here it was the 'police uncle'. My ajji used him on every child in the house, and still does on the neighbour's kid 🙂 Agree it wears off. Then you need a bigger police uncle.

    • breezy_paper_4500

      Replying to @fern_piano_3814

      police uncle in our house too. my elder one still goes quiet when a police jeep passes haha

    • juniper_puzzle_7539

      Replying to @fern_piano_3814

      The police one is the version that worries me most. If he is ever lost, I would want him to go to a police officer, not run from one. That may be the way to put it to her: not that the threat is cruel, but what we need him to feel later.

    • maple_veranda_9329

      Replying to @juniper_puzzle_7539

      That's a good way to frame it. In my work, caregivers take a reason far better than a rule. 'He needs to feel safe on the balcony' gives her something to work with. 'Don't say that' only makes her feel told off.

    • amber_wave_989

      Replying to @maple_veranda_9329

      We had the same conversation with our caregiver last year, framed almost exactly like that, and she stopped within a week. My parents still bring up the monkey when they visit. Caregivers are easier.

Add a comment

Share what happened for you. Plain text; be kind and specific.

Keep going

Keep reading

More from the parents who were here.