Working Parents & Childcare

My parents do three days a week with our 2.5 year old and it's wearing them out

saffron_kettle_6098

My mother didn't say anything, but she was asleep on the sofa at 5 pm on Wednesday with our daughter still bouncing around her. My father has started saying "she runs faster than me now" as a joke, and it isn't really a joke. They come Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The other days my partner and I juggle around my site visits and my partner's office hours, which works most weeks. Options as I see them: a half-day playschool on their days so they only do afternoons, a nanny on those days instead, or just ask them honestly what they want. They'll say they're fine. They always say they're fine. How did you raise this with your own parents without them feeling replaced? :)

7 comments

  • umber_sparrow_120

    Before you pick an option, ask them which part tires them. With older relatives I've seen it's often the lifting and the stairs, not the hours. If it's lifting, playschool mornings fix the wrong thing. If it's the length of the day, a nanny on those days might be the simpler change.

  • banyan_camera_406

    We never had grandparents nearby, so the asking part is beyond me. But half-day playschool worked for us around that age, mostly because she came home tired and napped, which made the afternoon easier for whoever had her.

    • lilac_kettle_9569

      The nap angle is real. We have family living with us who help with our son, and on the days he naps properly everyone in the house is in a better mood by evening, not just him.

  • jade_river_5343

    Our son's in college now, but I remember my amma doing this for us for years. She never complained once, then one day told my partner she'd been tired for two years. Ask now, not later.

  • silver_sketch_5324

    One thing worth separating: whether they are tired, or whether something about their health has changed. A grandparent dozing off at 5 pm after a day with a toddler is normal enough. One who can no longer manage stairs they used to may be due a routine check-up anyway, quite apart from childcare. If it's simply tiredness, do they get a rest day between their days with her, or are the three days back to back?

    • saffron_kettle_6098

      Not back to back, Monday Wednesday Friday. But they also come over on Sundays because they miss her, so really it's four days. Hadn't counted that till now. Check-up is due anyway, I'll take my father this month.

    • indigo_puzzle_6578

      Replying to @saffron_kettle_6098

      the sunday visit is the one they'd never give up though. i'd keep that and cut a weekday

  • cinnamon_rain_6023

    we did a nanny 3 days. playschool needed drop and pickup, which was one more job for someone

    • saffron_kettle_6098

      That's my worry with playschool too. A 12.30 pickup would land on my mother on most of her days anyway.

    • cinnamon_lantern_7761

      Agree on the pickup problem. With my younger one we tried a playschool that offered a van, and the van turned out to be the hardest part of his morning. A nanny at home was calmer for everyone, even if it cost more. Hope your parents get a breather either way ❤️

  • maple_notebook_4926

    We have no family in the city and have only ever had paid care, so the feelings side is outside my experience. The part that stands out to me is 'they always say they're fine'. That's the real obstacle. Instead of asking whether they are tired, it may go better to propose something concrete, for example 'we're trying playschool on Mondays for a month', and watch how they react.

  • citrus_pebble_6941

    Ours is the same age and started half-day playschool in June. The first month she came home exhausted and cranky, not napping better. It settled after that. Just factor in a rough few weeks if your parents will be the ones doing the afternoons ❤️

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