Pregnancy & Newborn

Two months at my in-laws' with the baby while I stay back for work. Good idea?

breezy_badminton_2458

My partner wants to take our daughter to my in-laws' place for two months, which is what most people in both our families did. My partner would get proper rest and help with nights, and my in-laws are thrilled. My clinic and theatre days don't move, so I'd stay here and drive down on the weekends I'm not on call. I'm not against it. I'm aware that two months is a big part of her first year, and I'd be the parent she sees on a video call. On the other side, the current setup has my partner doing most nights alone while I'm in theatre the next morning, and that isn't working either. For those who did this, how did the coming back go?

5 comments

  • hazel_notebook_8685

    Reading this at 3 am on a break. My mother has already 'booked' me for after the delivery. Didn't ask me. Not sure how I feel about it either 😄

  • moss_bookmark_2783

    We did this with our first, for about seven weeks. What I would do differently: fix the return date before leaving, not 'when the baby is settled', because there is always another reason to stay. And agree beforehand on how decisions get made there, feeding and sleep in particular, because the grandparents will have their own system and you will not be in the room. The weekend visits were good for me but tiring. That part depends on the drive.

  • cedar_violin_9214

    From someone on a shift roster: the bigger risk for you is not the two months, it's the weekends. If your on-call weekends come round often, you could end up seeing her three or four times in total. Count the actual free weekends before you agree, and see whether they could come back for a few days in the middle so you aren't always the one travelling.

  • lagoon_moon_7881

    Grandparent here. We had our daughter and grandson with us for two months. Best two months we've had in years, and I slept very little. When they left, the house was too quiet for a week. So your in-laws will be thrilled and tired. Both true 🤷

  • juniper_violin_6378

    I went to my mother's for three months when my son was born, a long time ago now. The rest helped a lot. What nobody warned me about was coming back. My partner had built a whole routine by then, the baby had his own rhythm, and none of it matched. It took us a few weeks to find our feet again. Plan for that part too ❤️

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