Daughter is 21, finishing her final semester. Last week an aunt forwarded three biodatas to my partner with 'no pressure, just keep'. Daughter found them on the family tablet. She wants to start work and live on her own salary for a while. Nobody has asked her. I want to shut this down without a family war. What did you say to relatives that worked? Not 'set boundaries'. The words.
Mine is eleven, so no profiles yet, thankfully. But I've heard my partner tell her side of the family 'she'll tell us when she's ready, and you'll be the first to know'. They feel included and the topic closes.
we're years off with my son, but i watched my cousin go through this. what worked for her parents wasn't a line. they replied to every forwarded biodata with a photo of her new office id card. no comment, just the photo. the aunts got bored.
She hasn't joined yet, so no id card. But answering with her work instead of arguing, that I can use. The joining letter might do the same job.
From the other side: my parents did this to my sister, and fifteen years on it's the one thing she hasn't forgiven. Whatever you say to the relatives, say it where your daughter can hear you say it. For her, that mattered more than the words.
This is so familiar from my own twenties. My father's sentence was 'she's busy building her life, you'll get a proper invite when there's something to invite you to'. Said with a smile, and then he changed the topic to food. Worked on most of them. All the best to your daughter with the new job ❤
Keep going
More from the parents who were here.