Pregnancy & Newborn

Partner goes back to work when the baby is three months old, and both grandmothers think it's too soon

saffron_moon_3478

My partner has decided to return to work in about a month, when our daughter will be three months old. We've talked it through, we have a caregiver we both like, and I've arranged my travel so I'm in town for the first few weeks. It's my partner's call and I'm fully behind it. The pushback is from my partner's mother, and more quietly from mine. Every visit now comes with a comment about 'such a small baby', and my partner is starting to doubt the decision. For those who went back early, or whose partner did: what did you say to the family, and did the first month go the way you feared? I'm also unsure how much I should step in.

7 comments

  • mint_bookmark_6929

    Practical side first: the first month back is mostly about the handover, not the baby. When my partner went back, what helped was a written routine the caregiver could follow and one person, usually me, who could leave work at short notice for those weeks. The family comments faded once everyone saw the baby was fine. Your partner is lucky to have you so firmly on side ❤️

    • violet_kettle_4378

      Up on a call, hence the hour. The 'one person who can leave at short notice' part matters most. When I went back, neither of us could, and the first time the caregiver called about a fever I was in the middle of an outage. Decide who that person is before day one, not on the day.

  • silver_paper_8497

    I went back at four months and the family comments were harder than the work. What helped was my partner answering them, not me. When the comments came from my in-laws and my partner said 'we've decided', they stopped much faster than when I tried to explain.

    • saffron_moon_3478

      That's useful. I've been staying out of it with my partner's mother, thinking it would look like taking sides. Maybe that's exactly what's needed.

  • willow_fern_282

    Three months with my son, four with my daughter, and both times I heard the same lines. What I'd tell your partner: the guilt peaks in the week before going back, not after. By week three I was too busy to feel it, and the baby had decided the caregiver was quite acceptable.

  • orchid_badminton_7069

    Twenty years ago I went back when my daughter was ten weeks old. My mother-in-law didn't speak to me properly for a month. My daughter is 21 now and remembers none of it, of course. I'm not sure what the lesson is, except that the people who comment don't remember either.

  • plum_badminton_1718

    I'm back at school with a baby under one, and for me there wasn't a choice to discuss. What I've noticed is that the comments are loudest in the month before and quietest once there's a routine everyone can see working. Don't argue through the month, just get through it.

  • basil_diary_1104

    Has your partner raised it with the family directly, or is it all happening during visits? One plain conversation sometimes ends it.

  • silver_piano_798

    You mentioned arranging your travel for the first few weeks. Think about weeks five to eight as well. For us the first month went fine because I was around. The wobble came with my first trip, when the routine had to work without me.

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