Our 20 year old has stopped coming to family weddings, and I'm the one who gets asked why

breezy_wave_780523 Jun 2026

Mol is home for the summer and there are three weddings on my side before she goes back to college. She has said no to all three. Not rudely. She says she doesn't know half the people, gets asked about marriage and marks by the other half, and would rather spend those days with her friends who are also home. My partner thinks she should come at least to my cousin's son's wedding, because the two of them grew up together. I half agree. I also remember being 20 and hating these things. What I can't handle is the phone calls afterwards. 'Where was she? Is everything okay?' Do your grown children still come along to these, and if not, what do you tell people?

2 comments

velvet_chai_611723 Jun 2026
Who is bothered here: you, your partner, or the relatives? If it's only the relatives, 'she's with her friends this week' is a complete answer. You don't owe them more than that.
ochre_drum_913923 Jun 2026
I'm about fifteen years ahead of your daughter on this. I skipped nearly every family wedding in my twenties for the same reasons she gives. What brought me back was not being told to come. An uncle asked me to handle one specific thing at one wedding, the guest transport, and suddenly I had a reason to be there and something to talk about other than my marks. If the cousin matters to her, ask whether she'd like a role at that one. And let the other two go.
- saffron_kettle_609823 Jun 2026
  The job trick works. My nephew only comes to family functions if he's in charge of the music. Last time he brought a speaker bigger than the cake, but he came, and he stayed till the end 😊
- lagoon_river_711124 Jun 2026
  or let her pick 2 a year, her choice which, no questions about the rest. worked with my brother's kids