My mother does everything for our 14 year old. He can't make a cup of tea

hazel_kite_419021 Jul 2026

My mother has lived with us since he was born. Lunchbox, ironed uniform, bag checked, milk brought to his desk at 9 pm. He's in class 10 now and genuinely sweet with her, but last week she had fever for two days and he didn't know where the sugar was kept. When I try to get him to do his own stuff, she says 'let him study, it's board year' and does it anyway. Fighting with my mother over it isn't an option, and I don't want to take this away from her, she enjoys it. But in a few years he'll be in a hostel somewhere. Anyone else with grandparents at home been through this?

3 comments

saffron_tiffin_696221 Jul 2026
We are far from this stage, but I see the beginning of it with my mother-in-law and our 3 year old. What has worked so far is asking her to teach him something rather than asking her to stop doing it. She likes being the one who taught him. Could your mother be the one who teaches him to make tea?
- dusk_chai_872221 Jul 2026
  This is more or less what we did. In our daughter's last year of school, my mother-in-law taught her to make three dishes, and she enjoyed that far more than she would have enjoyed being asked to step back. Those three dishes carried our daughter through her first semester away from home.
willow_kettle_495422 Jul 2026
starting to see this at our place with my dad and a 3 yr old. he puts the shoes on him every single time. if i say anything im the bad guy. no answers here just company
gentle_notebook_384622 Jul 2026
What exactly do you want him doing? 'His own stuff' is too vague to win an argument with your mother. Pick two things, say his breakfast plate and his school bag. Tell her those are his now. Leave the rest alone.
- cinnamon_pebble_373023 Jul 2026
  Picking two worked for us with our 12 year old. What made it stick was a fixed time: plate to the sink straight after dinner, every night, no reminders from anyone. Grandparents accept a routine more easily than a principle.