Last Diwali an elder called my son fat in front of everyone. What do I say this time?

teal_window_713625 Oct 2026

Diwali this year is at my in-laws' place, with the whole family. Last year one of the elders said in front of everyone that my son had 'become fat, no more sweets for him', and someone else laughed and added something about his cheeks. He's 12. He laughed along at the time. Two months later he brought it up out of nowhere while we were in the car. I don't want to make a scene at a festival, and I definitely don't want him to have to explain to anyone why it bothered him. But I also don't want to stand there smiling again. What do you say in the moment? Something short that ends the topic, without turning it into a lecture for a room full of relatives.

7 comments

gentle_drum_249825 Oct 2026
Our son went through this at about that age. My partner and I agreed beforehand on one line and one move: 'He's growing well, leave him be,' followed immediately by a change of subject or a reason to take him out of the room. The important part was not getting drawn into defending his weight, even positively, because that keeps the topic alive.
mango_bottle_405625 Oct 2026
My worry would be the moment itself. Nobody thinks clearly in a crowded room. We spoke to the one relative who does this a week before, privately. It was awkward and he was offended for a day. But he didn't repeat it at the function, and my son never knew we had spoken.
fig_spoon_27025 Oct 2026
Mine is 11 and for us it's his skin, from my mother's side. We gave him an exit. If anyone starts, he can say he's going to help in the kitchen, or come and stand next to me, and I take it from there. He used it twice last Diwali. It helped that the plan was his, not a rescue by me ❤️
ivory_spoon_850325 Oct 2026
One small thing from our side. We used to answer with 'she's not fat, she's healthy'. Our daughter told us later that was almost worse, because now two adults were discussing her body in front of everyone. So we don't correct the description at all anymore. We just say 'we don't talk about bodies' and move on. Sounds stiff, but the aunts got used to it surprisingly fast haha
ochre_moon_224125 Oct 2026
my son told me last year, at 15, that what stuck with him from a family wedding wasn't what his uncle said. it was that i laughed. i hadn't even noticed i did.
juniper_gecko_338525 Oct 2026
Who is saying it? An elder on your in-laws' side and your own parent need different handling. A line that works on a distant uncle won't work on a grandmother who has been cooking for everyone since morning. 'Relatives' is too broad to give you a useful answer.
- teal_window_713625 Oct 2026
  Fair. It's mainly one aunt on my in-laws' side, a kaku, and once it was my own aai, about his skin getting dark from cricket. Kaku I can probably handle with a line. With aai I don't know what I'd say in front of everyone.
saffron_tiffin_872425 Oct 2026
The one-line responses above work for an aunt at a function. With your own mother the line alone tends not to hold, because she will feel corrected in front of her in-laws. What worked in our family was a phone call before the visit, and it took two calls, because the first one went badly. Not elegant, but she hasn't repeated it.