Adults keep praising my daughter for being 'so kind' to her friend with Down syndrome. She just thinks he's her friend

pebble_hammock_44851 Apr 2026

A boy in our building, a year younger than her, has Down syndrome. They've been cycling around the compound together most evenings for a few months now. Nobody set it up. They just get along. The problem is the grown-ups. Neighbours stop me in the lift to say how sweet it is of her, what a good heart she has. Yesterday one aunty told her, in front of him, that god will bless her for it. She came upstairs confused and a bit annoyed. Her words: 'I'm not doing anything for him, we're just cycling.' I agree with her completely, and I had no reply ready for the aunty 😅 How do you respond to that kind of praise without making a scene? And do I say anything to his parents, or would that just make it a thing?

4 comments

peach_balcony_84701 Apr 2026
We see a version of this in clinic. Parents of children with disabilities tell me the 'what a good child you are' comments to siblings and friends sting more than rudeness would, because they announce the friendship as unusual. Tell your girl she's right, she's just cycling 🙂
teal_sketch_31211 Apr 2026
Your daughter has already said it better than any adult could. I'd tell her exactly that, so she knows her instinct is right ❤️ With the aunty, something light like 'they're just friends, they fight over the cycle bell like anyone else' usually does it. You're not correcting her, just describing what's really happening. I wouldn't raise it with his parents unless they bring it up. They have almost certainly heard it all before.
velvet_chai_51861 Apr 2026
Mine is still a baby, so no experience here. But there was a boy with Down syndrome in our colony when I was growing up, and the 'how nice of you' comments always went to the other kids, never to him. Even at ten I remember thinking that was odd 😄
plum_badminton_17181 Apr 2026
the comment in front of him is the part I'd address. not with the aunty, with your daughter. ask her how she thinks he felt hearing it. she'll likely have a clearer answer than most of the adults in your lift.