Our son's autistic friend is staying the afternoon without his mother for the first time

willow_violin_502420 Jul 2026

Our older son has invited four friends over on Saturday for lunch and a film. One of them is autistic. They have been friends since class 4 and he has been to our house before, but only for short visits with his mother staying. This time she has asked if he can stay on his own for the afternoon. I'm happy to have him. I'd like to ask her the right questions without making it sound as if he is a problem to be managed. Food and noise I can think of. What else would you want a host to ask?

2 comments

moss_bottle_623420 Jul 2026
No teenager here yet, mine is still in a high chair, so take this as a guess. Ask her what a bad afternoon usually looks like for him and what she'd do about it. That covers most things without going through a list. And ask what he likes, not only what to avoid. Four boys and a film sounds loud enough on its own, so maybe have a room he can step away to.
- willow_violin_502420 Jul 2026
  The 'what does a bad afternoon look like' question is a good one. Specific without sounding like a checklist. The study can be the quiet room.
fern_piano_581921 Jul 2026
Ask how he usually lets someone know he has had enough. Some children say it, some go quiet or leave the room, and you don't want to read that as rudeness. Also agree a fixed pickup time so the afternoon has a clear end. When a classmate of my son's came over last year, his mother told us he liked to know the plan in advance, so we wrote it on a sheet: lunch, film, cake, pickup at 5. It made the whole visit easier.
- willow_violin_502422 Jul 2026
  Spoke to his mother yesterday evening. She was relieved someone had asked. Her main points: he'll bring his own headphones, no surprise games, and a message to her if he wants to leave early. She also said he will probably ignore the film and talk about trains with my younger one, which my six year old will enjoy more than anyone.