How do I get my parents to stop reporting on everything our daughter does on their days?

fern_pigeon_209812 Apr 2026

My parents have her two afternoons a week. Lately I get a phone call every evening: how long she was on the phone, who she was texting, what she ate, how she spoke to her grandmother. Some of it is useful. Most of it is commentary. She found out because my mother told her 'I'll tell your amma'. Now she wants to stop going on those days. She's old enough to stay home alone for a few hours, but that isn't the point. How do I ask my parents to stop without them hearing 'you're not wanted'?

5 comments

umber_moon_562312 Apr 2026
my in-laws do this with our toddler and she can't even talk back yet. what helped a little was asking them to tell me two things only: anything worrying, and one nice thing. they still say more but the balance has shifted
peach_fern_474513 Apr 2026
I have seen this only as a sibling. My mother reported on my younger sister in much the same way, and my sister stopped confiding in either of them. I would assume your parents mean it as care, and frame the request that way: you trust them with her, so they do not need to account for every hour.
lagoon_violin_701513 Apr 2026
We had a smaller version of this with my mother-in-law. I asked her to bring the worrying things to me directly and let the small stuff go, and then I told my daughter I'd done it. That second part mattered more to her than I expected. Good luck, it's a tricky one ❤
bronze_hammock_280113 Apr 2026
Ask your daughter what she would accept being reported. Take that list to your parents. If you negotiate only with them, she will still feel discussed.
teal_trail_594014 Apr 2026
my father used to do this with our daughter in her school years. she tells it as a funny story now. didn't feel funny at the time