Pregnancy & Newborn

First pregnancy at 41 and the family has decided I should stop working

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Ophthalmologist, clinic days plus scheduled procedure days. I feel fine and my OB has no concerns about me working. My family, though, has started calling this a 'precious pregnancy' in every phone call (I hear it in my sleep now) and suggesting I take it easy from now till the baby comes. Which in practice means stop. I'm not stopping. But I'd like to have this conversation without it turning into an argument every Sunday. If you were pregnant in your late thirties or forties, or watched someone close go through it, how did you handle the family's worry without just ignoring them?

6 comments

  • silver_kettle_5650

    As a mother of grown children, I'd say the worry is mostly ours to manage, not yours. Give them one specific thing that reassures them, like which days you will rest, and they will have something to hold on to. A vague 'I'm fine' makes us worry more.

  • cedar_rain_2378

    I was 34, not 41, and still got the take-it-easy calls. What helped a bit was sending my mother a short summary after each check-up. Less guessing on her side.

  • cinnamon_sandal_9058

    When we were expecting our son we had the same calls from both families. We tried two approaches. Ignoring them made the calls longer. Explaining every appointment turned us into the family medical bulletin. What settled it, more or less, was one long conversation with the most worried person, after which the rest of the family took their cue from her. Not a perfect solution. There's always one aunt.

  • cobalt_spoon_2632

    Our second isn't one yet, and I was nearly fifty when she arrived, so we got the full 'at this age' commentary, mostly from people who meant well 🙂 What didn't work: arguing statistics with my aunts. What sort of worked: taking the most worried one along to an appointment. Still not sure that was a good idea.

  • velvet_wave_2727

    I taught through my pregnancy, and the family pressure was mostly about standing all day. It helped to show them what my day really looked like, which periods I could sit through and which I couldn't. They had been imagining something much harder. The downside was that it invited a lot of suggestions about my timetable.

  • lagoon_hammock_2192

    physician dad here. the word 'precious' doesn't change much if your OB is happy. the long procedure days on your feet are what i'd plan around with your OB, not the clinic days. families hear 'doctor' and assume you'll overwork. which is fair in our line tbh

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