Teachers and relatives describe a calm, cooperative child. At home we get the full emotional explosion after school. I have heard this can happen when children feel safe, but I would love practical routines that make the transition home easier.
We try to discuss disagreements away from the children and present one answer. We are not always successful, but it stopped the 'ask the other parent' loop. We are in Kochi and this came up for us last year.
Same here. The logistics are what make the 'ideal' option difficult in real life. We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. We are in Vijayawada, so local logistics may be a little different.
Protecting one unscheduled half-day made a surprisingly big difference. It also gave the kids time to get bored and invent their own play. We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
We stopped forcing hugs. Greeting can be a hello, namaste, wave or handshake. The child still learns courtesy without having to offer physical affection. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
With grandparents, specific rules worked better than a long parenting philosophy. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and let smaller things go. Our child reacted better once we explained the change in advance instead of announcing it on the day. The rule became easier once all adults used the same answer. Your child's response may be different, but this was our experience.
We try to discuss disagreements away from the children and present one answer. We are not always successful, but it stopped the 'ask the other parent' loop. A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. I would still test it for a short period before making a long commitment.
We stopped forcing hugs. Greeting can be a hello, namaste, wave or handshake. The child still learns courtesy without having to offer physical affection. We are in Hyderabad and this came up for us last year.
That is reassuring. We are trying to avoid making this a bigger issue than it needs to be. A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. I would still test it for a short period before making a long commitment.
I try to respond to advice with 'we'll think about it' instead of debating in the moment. Then we make the decision privately. We changed our approach after about a month because the first plan was too hard to sustain.
We try to discuss disagreements away from the children and present one answer. We are not always successful, but it stopped the 'ask the other parent' loop. The biggest surprise was that the practical routine mattered more than the option that looked best on paper. A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. In our house, the practical routine mattered more than the ideal plan.
We tried something similar once, but probably gave up too early. How long did you continue before judging it? A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. We made the change gradually rather than all at once.
Could you share what you would do differently if you were starting again? The rule became easier once all adults used the same answer. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
I agree with this. Once we reduced the number of moving parts, everyone became calmer. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. In our house, the practical routine mattered more than the ideal plan.
With grandparents, specific rules worked better than a long parenting philosophy. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and let smaller things go. Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. I would still test it for a short period before making a long commitment.
That makes sense. I think consistency is the part we are currently missing. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. We are in Ahmedabad, so local logistics may be a little different.
Can I ask roughly what age/class your child was when you tried this? Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. I would still test it for a short period before making a long commitment.
We tried something similar once, but probably gave up too early. How long did you continue before judging it? We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
Can I ask roughly what age/class your child was when you tried this? We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. Your child's response may be different, but this was our experience.
Did your child take time to adjust, or was the improvement fairly quick? A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
That is reassuring. We are trying to avoid making this a bigger issue than it needs to be. We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. Your child's response may be different, but this was our experience.
Replying to @sq4788
Good to know — thank you for coming back with the detail. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. We made the change gradually rather than all at once.
Good point about asking for the details in writing. I had not thought of that. The rule became easier once all adults used the same answer. In our house, the practical routine mattered more than the ideal plan.
This is close to what my spouse is suggesting too. I may have been overcomplicating it. A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. We are in Bengaluru, so local logistics may be a little different.
We stopped forcing hugs. Greeting can be a hello, namaste, wave or handshake. The child still learns courtesy without having to offer physical affection. We are in Bengaluru and this came up for us last year.
With grandparents, specific rules worked better than a long parenting philosophy. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and let smaller things go. A little predictable one-to-one time changed the mood more than we expected. We made the change gradually rather than all at once.
Did your child take time to adjust, or was the improvement fairly quick? We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. We made the change gradually rather than all at once.
That is reassuring. We are trying to avoid making this a bigger issue than it needs to be. Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. We are in Gurugram, so local logistics may be a little different.
With grandparents, specific rules worked better than a long parenting philosophy. We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and let smaller things go. My spouse had a different view initially, so we tried it for a few weeks before deciding. The rule became easier once all adults used the same answer. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
I try to respond to advice with 'we'll think about it' instead of debating in the moment. Then we make the decision privately. My spouse had a different view initially, so we tried it for a few weeks before deciding.
I try to respond to advice with 'we'll think about it' instead of debating in the moment. Then we make the decision privately. We are in Kochi and this came up for us last year.
Can I ask roughly what age/class your child was when you tried this? Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. Your child's response may be different, but this was our experience.
I try to respond to advice with 'we'll think about it' instead of debating in the moment. Then we make the decision privately. The rule became easier once all adults used the same answer. In our house, the practical routine mattered more than the ideal plan.
Thank you. I like that this does not require changing everything at once. Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. In our house, the practical routine mattered more than the ideal plan.
Interesting — we had assumed the opposite. Helpful to hear a first-hand experience. We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. We are in Bengaluru, so local logistics may be a little different.
Replying to @aditya_narayan
This is helpful for us too. Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
We stopped forcing hugs. Greeting can be a hello, namaste, wave or handshake. The child still learns courtesy without having to offer physical affection. We are in Vijayawada and this came up for us last year.
We stopped forcing hugs. Greeting can be a hello, namaste, wave or handshake. The child still learns courtesy without having to offer physical affection. Discussing it away from the children reduced the back-and-forth. I would still test it for a short period before making a long commitment.
We try to discuss disagreements away from the children and present one answer. We are not always successful, but it stopped the 'ask the other parent' loop. We are still not perfect at this, but the arguments are much shorter now. We only reached that conclusion after trying the other approach first.
We tried something similar once, but probably gave up too early. How long did you continue before judging it? We picked the two boundaries that mattered most and relaxed about smaller differences. We made the change gradually rather than all at once.