Baby & Toddler

Since my partner started a career break, our toddler won't let me do bedtime

quiet_veranda_1652

She's around 20 months. My partner has been home with her full time for a while now and does most of the day. I'm an obstetrician, so my evenings are unpredictable, but on the nights I am home I'd like to put her to sleep. She won't have it. She cries and reaches for my partner the moment I pick up the book. If I persist it becomes 40 minutes of screaming and nobody sleeps. My partner feels bad, I feel worse. Do I keep trying, or step back for now? I know it's not personal. It still feels personal at 9 pm.

7 comments

  • teal_sandal_2724

    Step back from the part she is fighting and keep one small part that is always yours. With my son it was the bath. I could not do the bedtime itself for months, but the bath was mine every night I was home, and he started expecting me for it. Later the last book followed. It is slower, but it does not end in 40 minutes of crying.

    • quiet_veranda_1652

      The bath I can't promise on call days, but one fixed thing that's mine sounds right. Starting with the last book on nights I'm home and seeing if she lets me keep it.

  • peach_lantern_1764

    our younger one did this with my mother for most of a year. you get picked again eventually, usually when they need someone to argue with

  • coral_sparrow_9924

    Two boys here, and both had a long 'only one parent' phase, just not the same parent at the same time. What I'd say is don't take bedtime by force, it only makes the other person the rescuer. Mornings were my thing instead. Breakfast, the first cuddle, the drive. Kids remember that also, even if they scream at night.

    • quiet_veranda_1652

      Just back from the hospital and she's asleep on my partner's chest, so the decision has been made for tonight. Mornings it is. I'm going to try making breakfast our thing this week.

  • amber_wave_7648

    She'll switch back. Mine flip-flopped every few months till about 4 🤷

    • peach_veranda_2917

      still flip-flopping at 10, for the record. currently i'm the favourite because i sign the school forms without reading them

  • breezy_wave_7805

    We had it the opposite way round. When our daughter was small I was home more and my partner travelled, and for two years she would not let my partner near her at night. She is 20 now and calls whichever of us is more likely to send money. Balance restored, in a way.

  • fig_gecko_3608

    Early theatre starts here, so I suspect I'll be the one he doesn't pick either. Reading this for later.

  • lilac_kettle_9569

    He isn't even one and our son is already like this with my mother. I've decided not to compete. She has more patience than me anyway.

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