Our 4 year old asks every night how old I'll be when she's big, and then whether I'll die

willow_violin_489425 May 2026

It started a few weeks ago, after an elderly neighbour passed away and she saw the gathering outside his flat. At bedtime she asks how old I'll be when she's big, then how old her nani will be, and then whether old people die. I answer truthfully and briefly. She seems satisfied, and the next night it's the same questions in the same order. I teach young children, so I know in theory that this is a common stage. It feels different at bedtime with your own child holding your face. Did the repetition stop on its own for yours, or did something you said help it settle?

2 comments

quiet_pool_276625 May 2026
My daughter is 5 and she asked the same things last year, after we moved from Chennai and she was missing her paati. Every night for some weeks. I work as a nurse, so I told her simply. People get old, sometimes they get sick, and doctors and nurses help them. Slowly she stopped asking. Now she asks only when she hears someone is unwell.
moss_balcony_391527 May 2026
We went through this at about four as well. I tried two things. Short honest answers kept the questions coming every night, but she never seemed upset by them. Changing the subject made her more anxious and she asked more. In the end we answered and always added the same last line, 'I'll be here for a very, very long time', and over a couple of months the questions faded. I'm still not sure whether the line helped or she simply moved on to something else.