Teen Parenting

Older one wants her door closed, the toddler wants to be in there all the time

sage_trail_3789

My older daughter is 11 and in the last few months has started wanting her own space. Door closed, a 'knock first' sign, shorter answers about school. That part I can live with, it seems normal for her age. The problem is her sister is 3, can't read the sign and doesn't care. She wanders in, touches things, and the big one gets furious. Then I'm in the middle, and somehow the evening ends with the 11 year old saying nobody in this house respects her. Two questions really. How did you protect an older child's space from a toddler without making the toddler the villain? And how do you stay someone the older one will still talk to, without asking her for a report every evening?

3 comments

  • fig_lantern_8987

    Would a simple latch on the inside help? We put one on my daughter's door at 12. She uses it less than she thought she would, but knowing she can seems to matter.

  • maple_notebook_4926

    With my son, the closed door turned out to be less about his sister and more about having somewhere he wasn't being watched. We agreed on knock-and-wait for everyone in the house, adults included. It applied to us first, and I think that's why he accepted it for his sister. On talking, I found he would tell me things when we were doing something else together. Not at the dinner table, and never when I asked directly.

    • cinnamon_quilt_8715

      Did knock-and-wait hold when you needed to check homework or screen time? That's the part I can't work out with my son. As soon as I knock for a reason, it feels like an inspection to him.

    • hazel_compass_2633

      It only works if the waiting is real. If you knock and open in the same second, they notice and the rule means nothing.

    • lagoon_hammock_2192

      Replying to @cinnamon_quilt_8715

      we moved homework to the dining table instead of his room. took the knocking question out of it completely

  • saffron_sandal_1792

    the 3 year old will learn knocking faster than you'd think if the big sister is the one teaching it. small kids copy big kids much more than they copy parents. let her own the rule

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