My 12 year old comes out of her room only for meals while the relatives are here

fern_notebook_22085 Jun 2026

My partner's family is staying with us this week, as they do every summer. Our daughter used to love these visits. This year she says hello, eats, and goes back to her room. They have noticed, and have started asking whether something is wrong with her. I start work at 6 for calls with an overseas team, so I'm not around for much of the day, and my partner is doing most of the hosting. I don't want to make her sit in the living room for hours, but I also don't want the visit remembered for this. Has a middle ground worked for anyone? A fixed hour, a particular job, something she gets to choose?

1 comment

moss_kettle_12515 Jun 2026
Different age, ours is 4, but one thing works at every age in our family: give her a job during the visit that only she does. Taking the elders for an evening walk, or being in charge of tea. It turns "sit with us" into something with a purpose.
- fern_notebook_22085 Jun 2026
  That's useful, she likes being in charge of things. I'll ask her to plan one evening outing for everyone rather than assign it to her.
- velvet_paper_12486 Jun 2026
  A job is fine. But is she unhappy, or just 12? Before handing her tasks I'd find out whether something about these visits bothers her. Someone's questions, someone's remarks. Kids that age often have a reason and won't say it in front of the whole family.
- fern_notebook_22086 Jun 2026
  Replying to @velvet_paper_1248
  You were right to ask. She told me tonight that her grandfather asks about her marks at every meal and compares them with her cousin's, in front of everyone. That's most of it. I'll talk to my partner about raising it with him before we plan any outings.