Working Parents & Childcare

I come home for lunch between OPD and rounds, and every goodbye now ends in tears

teal_compass_2155

OPD ends around 1.15 and rounds start at 2.30, and the hospital is ten minutes from home. Since April I've been coming back for lunch. Forty minutes with my 3 year old, eat, back out. It was lovely for about three weeks. Now the leaving is the event. She clings at the door, the caregiver has to peel her off, and I go back to the wards feeling awful. On days I don't come home, the caregiver says she's fine all afternoon. So do I stop coming home? It feels absurd to give up the one midday thing that is good for me because the goodbye is hard. My teenage son, currently an expert on everything, says I'm 'teaching her that crying works'.

4 comments

  • linen_bookmark_4448

    Our younger one did this with me when I worked from home and stepped out for meetings. It wasn't the visits, it was not knowing when I'd come back. We started saying 'after your nap' and sticking to it. Might be worth telling her when you're back in the evening.

  • fern_moon_1255

    From the school gate side: the second goodbye of the day is always harder than the first. Our chinnodu was like this when my partner worked from home for a few months and came out for lunch. What helped was the caregiver taking over before the door, not at it. Let the little one be busy with something when you leave, not watching you go 🙂

    • teal_compass_2155

      Busy before the door, not at the door. That's probably where it's going wrong. I've been doing the hug in the doorway with her watching me put my shoes on. Will try having the caregiver start her lunch before I get up.

  • plum_badminton_6945

    I do the same thing between appointments, so I get it completely. What worked for us was making the leaving boring and identical every day. Same line, same hug, then she waves from the balcony while I walk to the car. It took about a week before the balcony wave became the thing she looked forward to.

    • linen_river_7513

      The balcony wave works until it doesn't. Ours in Pune started demanding a second wave from the gate, then a third from the road. Set the number on day one.

  • bronze_hammock_2801

    Is the forty minutes for her or for you? Both answers are fine. If it's for you, keep it and accept a few weeks of tears. If it's for her, the tears are telling you something about how it's landing.

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