I assess children for a living, and I've started doing it to my own baby

I'm not in your field, but I had the app version of this: a milestone tracker that sent a notification every week. I was ticking boxes on Sunday mornings like a release checklist. My partner suggested I delete it and only look at a chart before doctor visits. It helped more than I expected.

with my first i read everything and noted everything. with the second i barely remember when she walked. both turned out fine, and the second one got a far more relaxed mother. she seems to have preferred that version

I did this to my son's reading for years. Occupational habit of a school administrator. What finally helped was a rule I made for myself: at work I could observe, at home I was only allowed to notice things I could enjoy. It took me far longer to stick to it than I'd like to admit ♥

Same with me and his walking. I watched every step for hip problems. He was completely fine. Does your partner notice when you're doing it? Mine was the one who told me to stop.

I teach adults, which isn't the same thing, but with our younger one I realised I was correcting his sentences the way I mark papers. Our fifteen-year-old pointed it out at dinner. Sometimes the most useful observer at home is the one with no training at all.

It does ease with time, though not entirely on its own. What worked for me was giving that attention somewhere else to go. I kept one hour on Sundays that was only for something my son loved, water play for us, and I didn't allow myself to think about what he should be doing in that hour. He is twenty-one now and still talks about the water play.