An aunt told my 12 year old she's 'getting healthy'. She won't eat in front of relatives now

plum_camera_72473 Apr 2026

Family lunch last Sunday. One of my aunts looked at my daughter's plate and said, in front of everyone, that she's 'getting healthy' and should 'go easy on the rice now'. My daughter put her plate down and didn't touch it again. She has since skipped two meals when relatives were over and eaten afterwards in her room. She's twelve, finishing class 6, growing normally as far as I can see. I was on shift that day, so I heard this from my mother, who thinks I'm overreacting. Two questions. What do I say to my daughter that doesn't make it a bigger deal than it already is? And do I say anything to the aunt, or does that just make the next lunch worse?

3 comments

fern_moon_12553 Apr 2026
I'd talk to the aunt, privately and once. Not a fight, just 'please don't comment on her food, she's at that age'. Most elders stop when someone says it plainly, no? Our 13 year old had a mavayya who did this with her height, every single visit. One quiet word from my partner and it stopped. With the child herself, less is more. Keep meals normal, don't watch her plate, don't praise or comment on what she eats either.
clove_spool_68933 Apr 2026
I'm far from this age with my son, he is two. But I was this girl in Lucknow at twelve. One aunt, one comment about my arms, and I wore full sleeves for three summers. What I wished then was that my mother had said something in front of me, so I knew she was on my side. Even one sentence.
- cedar_violin_20553 Apr 2026
  I agree with this more than the advice to let it go. When it happened to my elder one, what she remembered later was not the comment but who stayed quiet. You don't need a scene. A calm 'we don't talk about her food' at the table is enough, and she hears it.
banyan_sandal_58553 Apr 2026
In our families also elders talk like this, they don't think before. My mother said same to my sister long back. I think tell the girl that aunty is old style, she doesn't mean bad. Talking to aunty will make fight in family, better avoid.