Three girls in class 4 started a 'club', and my daughter has been put on probation

dusk_sparrow_554626 Jul 2026

Three girls in my daughter's class have formed a club with written rules, a password and a membership list. My daughter was a member for about a week. She is now 'on probation' because she played with someone outside the club at lunch. She isn't devastated, more puzzled, and she is trying hard to follow the rules to get back in. Part of me wants to tell her the club is silly and she should play with whoever she likes. Part of me thinks this is how nine-year-olds sort out friendships and I should stay out of it. I haven't said anything to the teacher. Is this worth raising, or does it usually fizzle out?

2 comments

violet_bookmark_830626 Jul 2026
Boys my son's age run a version of this with cricket teams: who's in, who's captain, who's banned this week. It has gone round in circles since class 1 and nobody stays out for long. I wouldn't raise it with the teacher unless it turns into her being left out at lunch every day.
cobalt_paper_128926 Jul 2026
From years of watching this in classrooms: these clubs nearly always fall apart within a month, usually because two founders fall out over the rules. What helps is not her getting back in. It's her having one or two friends outside it. I would quietly make it easier for her to see someone from the wider class after school.
- dusk_sparrow_554626 Jul 2026
  Hadn't thought of it that way. She does have a friend from the van who isn't part of it.
- dusk_sparrow_554626 Jul 2026
  Asked about the van friend at dinner. Apparently the club already tried to recruit her and she said no thanks. I may need to take notes from her.
- willow_violin_502428 Jul 2026
  I'd disagree a little with staying out entirely. Probation for playing with another child is a rule about who she is allowed to be friends with. I would at least tell her that particular rule isn't fair, even if you never mention it to the school.
- violet_violin_157028 Jul 2026
  Replying to @willow_violin_5024
  agree. clubs fine, probation not fine. my son's lot had fines in class 4, payable in erasers
- dusk_sparrow_554629 Jul 2026
  Replying to @willow_violin_5024
  We had exactly that talk, that she decides her friends and no rule does. As of today the club has dissolved. Two founders fell out over who keeps the password notebook.