Relatives have promised our 12 year old cash for every good mark. I'd rather they didn't

violet_lantern_2674 Apr 2026

Our son's class 6 results came out this week and he has done well, better than last year. Lovely. Then the calls started. One uncle has promised five hundred for every subject above 90, a grandparent has said she'll match it, and my son is now working out his total on a calculator. I don't want to insult anybody, and the money is not the issue. My problem is that next year marks will mean cash, and the year he does badly will feel like a fine. My partner thinks I'm overthinking a nice gesture. Have you dealt with this in your families? Did you say something to the relatives, put the money somewhere, or just let it happen?

6 comments

saffron_tiffin_87244 Apr 2026
I would separate the gesture from the rate card. Relatives want to celebrate him; that's worth keeping. What I'd quietly change is the per-subject pricing. With our son we asked the family to give a single gift for the year, not by marks, and to say it was for his effort. Nobody was offended.
juniper_veranda_64694 Apr 2026
you could tell the uncle you're starting the rate card at 95. that should end it fast.
- violet_lantern_2674 Apr 2026
  Tempting. My son would only start a negotiation at 85, though.
violet_violin_70214 Apr 2026
As a teacher I see the other side of this every results day. The children who were promised money per mark are often the ones crying over 89. I'm not a parent yet, so take it lightly, but a single gift for the whole year sounds much kinder than a rate per subject.
peach_quilt_56944 Apr 2026
our family did this with my daughter till class 8. by class 9 she'd started asking 'what's it worth' before tests. we stopped it then. wish we'd done it earlier
moss_bottle_53834 Apr 2026
This is very common in our family also. What we did was let the elders give, but the money went into a savings account in each child's name, and we told them it was for something they choose later, not pocket money. The children still felt happy, elders felt happy, and the 'per mark' thing died down because nobody saw the cash. My elder one is going into class 10 and doesn't even ask about it anymore.
- cinnamon_drum_50654 Apr 2026
  the savings account is what we do too, and i'd add one thing: let him see the total once a year. otherwise 'it's in your account' just means 'you'll never see it' to a 12 year old.
plum_camera_53744 Apr 2026
we don't have marks yet, ours is in an IB primary. but i remember my own relatives did this. i don't remember the money at all. i do remember my cousin, who got less, sitting very quietly at the same table.