Baby & Toddler

Pulled elbow from the 'one two three, swing' game. How do I stop the relatives without a scene?

sunny_quilt_2530

At a family lunch yesterday, two of my cousins swung our daughter by her hands, the way everyone does. She cried and then wouldn't use her left arm at all. We took her to the paediatrician in the evening. The doctor said it was a pulled elbow and put it back in about a minute, and she was reaching for biscuits with that hand ten minutes later. We were also told it can happen again more easily now, and that swinging by the hands or lifting by one arm is the usual cause. Fine. The hard part is the family. My aunts have swung every baby in the family for forty years and nobody's arm fell off, as they keep telling me. How have others handled this without it turning into an argument at every function?

4 comments

  • ochre_pool_755

    The swing game was my daughter's favourite thing at that age, so I sympathise with the cousins a bit too! What worked in our family was offering the swing in a different way. Hold her under the arms and swing, or do the aeroplane on your shins. The uncles still get their big moment and nobody has to be told off.

    • plum_kettle_3426

      Under the arms is what I ended up teaching my in-laws as well. Show them rather than tell them. One demonstration at the next function and they copied it, mostly because they thought it was their own idea.

  • amber_camera_6736

    Orthopaedics here, so I hear this story often. It's very common at this age, and the family reaction is always the same: 'we did it to everyone'. They're not wrong that most children are fine. Your doctor's point about it happening again is the one to hold on to. I'd say it plainly, once: 'the doctor told us not to lift her by the hands for a while'. A doctor's word carries more weight at a function than a parent's request. Unfair, but useful.

  • hazel_spoon_2904

    Say the doctor said no. Don't explain. Don't debate the forty years. People argue with reasons. They don't argue with 'doctor said'.

    • sunny_quilt_2530

      That's more or less where I've landed. My partner will talk to their side of the family and I'll take mine. Better than one of us being the villain for both.

  • rose_notebook_1879

    my mother did the hand swing with our daughter, I said nothing, and she was fine. but once it's already happened I'd speak up. the aunts will grumble for a function or two and then forget

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