School & Teens

My 12 year old's group has dropped one girl, and my daughter is going along with it

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I found out on the drive back from school. "We just don't sit with her any more." Why? "She's too much." That's all I got. This girl slept over at our place in June. I've been on nights this week, so I've had two conversations with my daughter, both at breakfast, both ended with a door. I'm not going to force a friendship. I also don't want to raise someone who freezes a girl out because the group decided to. What do you actually say at this age that doesn't make it worse?

3 comments

  • fern_bookmark_9922

    I teach younger children, but the pattern starts early. The ones who go along are often relieved when an adult gives them one small, specific thing to do instead of a talk about kindness. "Say hello to her in the morning" is achievable. "Be her friend again" is not. You may also learn more by asking what happened than by asking why they dropped her.

    • gentle_pebble_4457

      The small specific thing is such a good point. My 5 year old's version has already started with 'you can't play with us'. Keeping this one for later too ❤

  • sage_paper_496

    my daughter was the one left out, last year. what she remembered afterwards wasn't the group, it was the one girl who still walked to the bus with her. so even the small thing counts. i'd tell your daughter that, without naming anyone.

  • velvet_gecko_5468

    at 12 my daughter shut down too whenever i pushed. talking in the car helped a bit later, side by side, no eye contact. no guarantees though, she still doesn't tell me most of it

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