14 year old has a full plan for getting home at 9.30. Last year's rule was 7

silver_drum_639920 Oct 2026

My son is 14. A friend's birthday is at a bowling place in a mall about twenty minutes away, finishing around 9. Last year our rule was home by 7, no exceptions, and he accepted it. This time he came with a plan: four of them sharing a cab back, one parent's number on their group, a message when they leave and another at our gate. It is a reasonable plan. I notice I'm looking for reasons to say no anyway. How did you decide when to change the rule? Did you set a new fixed time or go outing by outing?

1 comment

amber_marigold_606820 Oct 2026
he did the work, which is more than most adults do before asking for something. what's the actual reason you want to say no. if it's the cab, say that. if 9.30 just feels late, worth noticing that too. we moved our 13 yr old to case by case and it's been fine, mostly
- coral_sparrow_992421 Oct 2026
  Case by case works but gets tiring, every weekend becomes a debate. With our two we kept a base rule (8.30) and a plan exception: bring a plan like your son's and the time can go later. Kanna knows the plan is the ticket now 🙂 The younger one picked it up fast from his brother.
- silver_drum_639921 Oct 2026
  Replying to @coral_sparrow_9924
  Base rule plus a plan exception is close to what I was trying to get at. It rewards exactly what he did this time.
- silver_drum_639921 Oct 2026
  Replying to @coral_sparrow_9924
  One question: did you keep a hard ceiling even with a plan? I would want one for school nights at least.