13 year old niece asked me not to tell her parents about a test until she's ready

silver_river_315317 Oct 2026

I do my niece's school pickup and homework on weekdays. Her parents work long hours and we agreed on this arrangement together. She's 13. This week she got a maths test back with a poor mark and asked me not to mention it to her parents until she has had a chance to tell them herself. I understand why she came to me. I'm also aware that I'm not her parent, and her parents trust me to keep them informed. If I keep this one, she learns she can come to me. If I keep too many of these, I'm managing her parents' information on her behalf. For guardians, aunts and uncles who do daily care: where did you draw the line?

3 comments

ivory_fern_647617 Oct 2026
Give her a deadline. 'You tell them by Sunday, or I will.' She gets to do it herself and you're not sitting on anything indefinitely. My daughter is 15 and her mashi has had this exact arrangement with her for years. It works because everyone knows the deadline exists :)
- silver_river_315317 Oct 2026
  A deadline seems fair. I offered Sunday. She countered with 'after Diwali'. We've agreed on Sunday evening before dinner, and I'll be in the room if she wants me there.
rose_gecko_208418 Oct 2026
Speaking as a parent, I'd want to hear it from my son first. But I'd be quietly hurt to find out a week later that his uncle knew. A bad maths mark isn't a crisis, so a short window seems fine. Anything to do with safety would be a different matter entirely.
lagoon_hammock_219219 Oct 2026
did she tell them
- silver_river_315319 Oct 2026
  She did, on Sunday, as agreed. It went better than she expected. I have since been informed that I am 'strict but fair', which I'll accept.