16 year old wants to take his girlfriend out for her birthday. How much do we ask?

lilac_rain_381316 Jul 2026

Our son told us on Sunday, quite casually, that he has a girlfriend in his class and that he'd like to take her to dinner for her birthday next weekend. He has saved up for it himself. We were both glad he told us at all. Where we disagree is the rest. My partner wants to know where they're going, how they're getting there and back, and that her parents know. I think a couple of those are fair, but if it turns into an interrogation, the next time he simply won't mention it. For those who've been here with a 15 or 16 year old: which questions did you insist on, and which did you drop?

4 comments

cobalt_slate_182916 Jul 2026
I'm at the other end of this with a five month old, so take it as a former teenager's view. At 16 I told my parents things as long as the first question wasn't who the person was and what their father did. Where and how they're getting home sounds fair to me. Who her parents are, maybe not on day one.
pebble_puzzle_865216 Jul 2026
Last year our daughter had a 'group outing' that turned out to be two people. What worked was agreeing on the practical things only: the place, the time she'd be back, and sharing her location for the evening. We didn't ask about the boy at all in that conversation. He came up on his own a few weeks later. Would your partner settle for the logistics if the parent-to-parent call were dropped?
saffron_violin_390216 Jul 2026
Where they're going and how they get home, yes. That isn't about the girlfriend, it's the same rule as any evening out. Her parents knowing is not really your call. That's on her. We kept it to that with our son, and he still tells us more than I expected ❤️
moss_pool_825417 Jul 2026
Our daughter is 11 and none of this has started yet, so I'm reading every answer here. One question: does he already get home on his own in the evenings? If he does, the dinner seems like the easy part, and the conversation is really about the relationship.
- cinnamon_pebble_373019 Jul 2026
  That's the useful distinction. In our house the rules for evenings out were settled when the elder one started going out with friends: who drops, the return time, a call if plans change. Anything new since then has simply fitted into them. If those basics aren't in place yet, I'd set them up as a general rule rather than as conditions for this one dinner.